Fish Don't Climb Trees
Short on time? Click the button to go to the audio version of this blog. Have a listen while you work/cook/drive/pretend you're listening to something really important!
For those who like a little music while you read, this week's playlist is not so subtly linked to the blog's theme of loneliness.
Imagine this…
Just try for a minute to picture this conversation starting up, as you're just minding your own business. You could be at work, out with friends, or maybe even with your family.
Other - "Could you stop that now please?"
You - "Sorry, what? Could I stop what?"
Other - "That. I've tried to be patient with you, but it's really getting to be annoying now, and you need to just stop, okay."
You - "No, sorry, I literally haven't got a clue what you're talking about. I'm not doing a thing here."
Other - "Are you kidding me?! THAT! That thing you're doing with your eyes"
You - "What? Blinking? Can I stop blinking? No, sorry, I can't. It's an autonomic response. My body needs to do it to cleanse and moisten my eyes - it serves a purpose, it needs to happen, and I can't control it."
Ridiculous, right? Well, as hard as it might be for some of you to truly, fully understand, that's exactly what it's like to be ADHD (or Neurodivergent in general for that matter). The traits, quirks and peculiarities that make us who we are, may be distracting to others, but as with the blinking example above, they serve a purpose, need to happen, and can't be controlled.
Well, if we're going to be truly specific about this (and us Neurodivergents like nothing if not factual accuracy), it's a tiny bit more complicated than that, as we'll see in a minute.
An awful lot of our traits, quirks, Stims, and eccentricities are exactly like the blinking example above. Now, just leave aside the "well, it's not exactly the same is it, not really", comments for a moment and imagine that I am, as someone with a lived-in experience of Neurodiversity, in actual fact, telling you the truth 😱. That I have no ulterior motive in making this claim. That I'm just, simply trying to bring awareness to a struggle that 30%-40% of the population go through on a daily basis when trying to fit into a Neurotypical world. Just pause for a moment to try and picture the frustration, confusion, self-doubt, and upset you'd go through if you were asked...made...to try and stop blinking several times a day, when you weren't even aware of it. Go on, take a moment to reflect...I'll wait...
Borborygmus
Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I just wanted an excuse to use a fancy new word I've learned! 😂. Seriously though, it's a good one and has a lot of relevance here. Borborygmus is one of the things we (our bodies) do every day without us even realising it...regardless of whether you're ND or NT. There's a load of these things with cool names that you can check out for yourself on Google ("other search engines available" 😉). Things like Oscitancy, Pandiculation, or Suspiration are just a few of the others that would serve us just as well here.
Borborygmus - a rumbling or gurgling noise made by the movement of fluid and gas in the intestines (Oxford Languages definition).
Now, if I'm being totally honest, and just a little pedantic (which let's be honest here, I usually am!), I don't think borborygmus or the others I listed are completely autonomic. I mean, let's face it, you can take some control over your tummy rumbles. It just means:
- Planning ahead,
- Eating what you know sits well with you,
- Making sure you don't leave it too long between satisfying your need for food,
- Not doing things that you know are going to cause the rumbles, like too much movement on an empty/full stomach
So it is possible to help control your borborygmus. Just very hard to remember to do all of these things, all of the time. And in some cases the control is taken out of your hands - say you get caught in a meeting that goes on into lunch, or your friend invites you out for the their favourite (and unfamiliar to you) cuisine for their birthday.
So, this isn't really about your rumbling tummy here. This is about those Neurodivergent traits again. I said that "an awful lot of our traits" are completely out of our control; but not all of them are. It's just that to control them, to curb them, takes the same amount of planning as stopping your tummy rumbling, and that still won't always work or be within your control.
“When they give you lined paper, write the other way.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
Fahrenheit 451 is one of my favourite books ever, and if you haven't already read it you should stop reading this blog right now, and go and read that instead, it's way better.
The TL;DR version is that in a dystopian world, reading is banned. All books are burned (hence the title, its the temperature paper burns), and anyone caught hiding the written word is severely punished. As the story progresses one of those people responsible for upholding the law starts to discover the joy that books can bring.
There are layers upon layers within the book, but most would agree that Bradbury was trying to demonstrate the danger of allowing a government to take away too much freedom and liberty from the people. That in an attempt to eliminate offence and complexity, they instead created a society built open oppression and control.
I take something else from the book. I take it as a commentary on ADHD, and Neurodiversity in general.
In the story, society has been engineered to work for the masses (the Neurotypicals). Everyone knows what the expectations on them are, and what the dangers of breaking from these are...so they all control themselves to conform to a certain way of living, working...being. It becomes so simple they don't even have to think about it. Much like the modern world, with its expectations, social cues and understandings of the collective consciousness of the Neurotypical mind.
Then there's the protagonist - Guy Montag. He lives within this world, he works for the government upholding these laws, blending in with society. Only, he's not part of society at all. We learn that he has a different way
of thinking to the rest of society, that he doesn't really understand the laws he's tasked with upholding (or the reason for them), that he finds himself looking at his friends and colleagues with increasing confusion as he tries desperately to keep up his mask and fit in. But in the end it's all too much, he does the only thing he can. He withdraws from society to live in peace with a small band of people who all share his thoughts and understanding...the ADHDers and Neurodivergents.
And that right there is the danger of allowing misunderstandings, lack of knowledge, or just plain ignorance about ADHD to go unchallenged. In Fahrenheit 451 the people were no worse off for Guy's confusion and lack of understanding. They didn't even notice it; he did have a government job and always knew how to talk to people the right way after all. But Guy himself? Well that's a different story. He became progressively more confused, unhappy, and isolated to the point that he felt the only solution was to completely withdraw from the world.
Unfortunately, that's a story that sounds all too familiar to me, with too many un- or misdiagnosed Neurodivergent individuals feeling the exact same last resort.
“Digression is the soul of wit.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
"Digression is the soul of wit. Take the philosophic asides away from Dante, Milton or Hamlet's father's ghost and what stays is dry bones." So saith Bradbury, and how true that is. It's the uniquenesses in life that make it interesting, and us ADHDers have got that in spades. As we come to the end of ADHD Awareness Month I sincerely hope that the message has been spread...that awareness has been spread. Awareness about the strength of those with ADHD, and about the challenges that we face too. There are so many myths and misconceptions about ADHD floating around, that it's hard to know where to begin busting them! But as I come to the end of this blog, here are a few that I'm particularly passionate about busting. So have a read, and then spread the truth far and wide, not the myth.
- Only Boys Have ADHD - Nope. That should be enough right there, just NO. But sadly it's actually worse that this. Not only do girls and women also get ADHD, but they get ignored, or misdiagnosed instead. ADHD itself effects the brain in the same way regardless of gender. Society and cultural expectations effect the way the different genders respond to it. Girls and women are looked upon as 'daydreamers', 'forgetful', 'withdrawn' or 'lazy', instead of having their symptoms recognised for what they are. It's not that girls don't get ADHD, it's that you're not recognising the signs!
- Everyone feels like that sometimes - True. Here are some of the things that people with ADHD struggle with, that everyone struggles with - emotions, poor memory, putting things off, decision-making. The difference for someone with ADHD is the intensity that they feel these things, and the impact they have. In both cases...far, far greater. Just look at my posts about RSD if you need more on this.
- People with ADHD can never focus - One word. Hyperfocus. It's not that people with ADHD can't focus, it's that we can't regulate our focus. At times our distractibility will take over, and we physically cannot hold our attention on a task any longer. At other times it swings the other way so far that we become absorbed in a task so intensely that we lose all track of time, or sense of anyone around us.
One of the challenges facing people with ADHD is that there are still so many areas that have not been researched to the point of statistical proof - RSD and Hyperfocus being two such examples. Plenty of people with ADHD will talk to you about their experience with both, but there just isn't enough statistically-proven medical evidence for them to be included in the diagnostic criteria. My advice to anyone wanting to know about ADHD? Talk to a person with ADHD about their personal experiences, and take them seriously about their own experience. It's likely there'll be some similarities to others, but also some unique difference that make a massive impact to them.
In short...treat people with ADHD like a human being - listen to understand, not to discredit.